sorry no joke but I do have a picture for you.
<<Playing Cards- Good Joke>>
Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some
cards on the floor.
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that
Bill’s wife was not wearing any underwear!
Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s
wife followed him and asked,
“Did you see anything that you liked under there?”
John admitted that, well, yes he did.
She said “You can have it, but it will cost you $100.” After
a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested.
She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn’t,
John should come to her house around
2:00 pm on Friday. Friday came and John went to her house at
2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom,
had sex, and then John left. Bill came home about 6:00 pm.
He asked his wife, “Did John come by this afternoon?”
Reluctantly, she replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few mintues.”
Next Bill asked, “Did John give you $100?”
She thinks ‘Oh hell, he knows!’ Finally she says, “Yes, he did
give me $100.”
“Good,” Bill says. “John came by the office this morning
and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop
by our house on his way home and pay me back
Cowboy and Indian
The cowboy was walking in the woods one day and he comes to a clearing.
There on a blanket was a naked Indian with an erection. “What
are you
doing?” the cowboy asks. The Indian answers, “Me tell time.”
“OK. If
you are so good, what time is it?” The Indian looks down at his
penis
and the shadow it made and said, “It 2 o’clock.” The cowboy looks
at
his watch and says, “By Golly, you are right!” The cowboy starts
walking again and comes upon another naked Indian laying on a blanket.
“Don’t tell me.... You telling time also?” The Indian looks up
at him and says,
“Yes, me telling time.” “Okay smartass, what time is it?”
The Indian
looks up at the sun and down at his penis and says, “It 4 o’clock.”
The cowboy is amazed at the Indian. He keeps walking and hours
later he
comes upon an Indian on a blanket, masturbating. “Don’t tell
me you are
telling time!!??” Indian looks up at him and says, “No, me winding
watch!”
Polish Sausage
A guy goes into a store and asks the clerk, “I’d like some Polish
Sausage.” The clerk looks at him and asks, “Are you Polish?”
The guy
says, “Well, yes I am. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you
ask
me if I was Italian??? Or if I had asked for German sausage, would
you
ask me if I was German??? Or if I wanted a taco would you ask
if I was
Mexican???” The clerk says, “Well, no.” The guys asks,
“WELL, why do
you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage????”
The clerk says, “Because this is a hardware store.”
Blond selling her Car
Blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems
selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told
her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette
told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but
it’s
not legal.” “That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde,
“if I only
can sell the car.” “Okay,” said the brunette, “Here is
the address of a
friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent
you and
he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles.
Then it should not be a problem to sell your car.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About a
month after that, the brunette sees the blonde and asks, “Did you sell
your car?” “No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has
50,000 miles on it.”
12/9/98-
this is from network fred
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light,
and
next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the
kid,
"Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The Kid
says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that
bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation
ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the
way,
that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says,"Well, next year tell Santa
to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
thats it for now. next time i'll make sure Tony has some good
jokes
Tony says check out Temples.com
and check out there darwin awards and ways to tick people off.
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to JOKELAND.
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